Whole Again

She stood in the back of the room.  The mood was very somber.  Groups of people were standing throughout.  Flowers of all shapes and sizes decorated the room in strategic places.  She stood there watching the interactions of those around her.  The grief in their hearts was weighing heavy on hers.  Stepping away from the wall, she weaved her way through the crowded room catching bits and pieces of conversation.  The sad whispers buried the room in a murmur.  Tissues were filling up the waste baskets along with the mini cups and bottles of water.  She left the room and walked into the hallway.  The murmur seemed to carry out here as well.  She walked to the back and found the chapel. The only room that was not crowded.  Mostly everyone was in the front of the building.  She turned and looked down the long hallway.  Children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, friends and other family walked around talking with one another.  She turned around and walked to the windows looking out behind the building.

The parking lot was full.  There were people outside.  Kids running around, probably playing tag.  Another group gathered smoking cigarettes.  The sun shined through the windows and she thought she could feel the warmth on her skin. She smiled and turned from the windows walking back through the hallway. 

Everyone looked so nice.  Mostly wearing suits or dresses.  Some a little more casual but still dressed up.  Though everyone seemed saddened there was a feeling of relief in the air. A common feeling that everything was OK now.   A scream from behind made her jump.  She turned to see one of the young children running down the hall.  Giggles filling the room.  Smiles spread on the faces of those in hallway as they watched the baby running around.  Laughter. Never did the sound of laughter feel so good to her.  She couldn't help but feel the smile spread across her own face.  It was like she could feel each muscle stretching to make that smile.  A feeling she hadn't felt in so long.

She turned and walked from room to room.  Looking at all the faces around her she recognized them all.  It didn't matter how long ago it was since she'd seen them, she remembered them.  The heaviness in her heart started to lift at the recollection of so many faces.  So many things suddenly running through her mind.  Happiness.  Sadness. Loneliness. Every memory rushing through her.  So much emotion flooded her that she thought she felt a stream of tears running down her face.  Instead of pain however, she felt relief.  How does one feel pain and relief at the same time?
She realized now that all of these memories of the past were flooding through her mind, but the current ones were scattered. Missing and cloudy memories drifted through those of the past.  How did she get here? When did she get here?   She couldn't remember these details.  The feeling like her world was fading around her again as she focused on these missing memories.  The room around her quieted.  The murmurs gone.  She stood in the hallway, in the center of everyone. Everything.  Quiet.  So quiet. The silence was so chilling that everything and everyone around her seemed to be screaming at her. The screaming got louder.  She covered her ears and closed herself off to her surroundings.  She couldn't take it.  The feeling of sweat building on her skin.  The heat rushing to the surface. The fear growing inside her.  A scream of her own ready to be let go.  Just as she opened her mouth to let her scream fly something stopped her.  The screaming around her stopped when the word whispered into her ear, "Gram"
She snapped back to the hallway.  She remembered now.  She walked passed those around her and stood back in the room she started in.  Standing at the back of the room she saw them standing in the front.  Two of her grandchildren.  Standing there looking down at an open box. A casket. It was her.  Her body was in that casket and she remembered.  She was no longer among the living.  Only recently deceased. Looking around the room she realized that all of these people in the crowded rooms and surrounding the building were here for her.  They came to say goodbye, to let her go.  From the back of the room she could hear her grandchildren talking to her.  They were reminiscing of all the times they got to spend with her.  The memories that will last a life time and more.  She could hear it in their voices that they were grieving hard and they needed to be consoled.  Knowing now that she couldn't walk up to them and hug them herself she looked around.  She saw a bowl filled with peppermints. They were more than just peppermints to her.  Fussy Candy.  The name struck her and she knew it would work.
One of the little girls running around stopped in front of her and looked her right in her eyes. They shared a smile as she knelt down to the little girl.  She asked the girl to take the peppermints to her grandchildren.  She watched as the girl followed the instructions.  When the girl reached them and offered the candy she could tell it felt like a hug from her.  They looked at each other and back down to her. Their smiles said it all.  They knew she was there watching after them and that they'd be OK.
She loved everyone that came to say goodbye.  She realized that she may not have been able to say goodbye the way she would have liked, but the feeling here was not pain and suffering.  Sure they will grieve. Sure they will miss her.  She'll miss them too. She just wished she could let them know that she was better now.  She was whole again.  She was with them anywhere they went.  She may lack a corporeal form, but she will forever remain in their hearts.
As she stood at the door and watched the last of them part she whispered goodbye. She turned and walked back to her body.  She stood there momentarily holding her own hand.
"Ready Frances?" The voice was familiar but not one she had heard in many many years.  She turned and saw him reaching his hand out for hers. He smiled, "Let's go dancing."

Heartbreak

Ryan was sitting at his usual table in the plaza.  Enjoying the summer sun as it beat down on his neck.  From the warmth he knew that his neck was probably going to be sore tomorrow, but he wasn't worried about that right now.  He was concentrating on the movements that his hand was making.  Helping the pencil in his hand touch the paper, the sketch that appeared was coming out perfectly.  Sure there was an eraser mark or two, but he could always touch those up once he scanned this piece of work into the computer.  No one would know the difference.  As he finished with the shoe he was drawing, he couldn't help but smile.

"Looking good." A friendly stranger said as they walked passed.  Ryan looked up and smiled at the man walking by.

"Thanks" he said, but the man was already out of earshot.

Ryan looked back down at the drawing in front of him.  He could definitely feel his artwork was coming along. As he was about to put his pencil back to the paper her felt the vibration in his pocket.  He placed the pencil down on top of the tablet and leaned forward so he could put his hand into his pocket.  He fished for a moment and pulled out his phone. After unlocking the phone he saw he had a text message.  Opening the message he noticed it was from Heather, his girlfriend.  He hadn't heard from her since Monday.  It's been 2 days since they last conversed.  He had sent her a few texts hoping for replies each time, but has been kept waiting.  Finally she responded.

He opened the message and read the following:

I'm sorry, but i can't do this anymore

Nothing more, nothing less.  That was the entire message.  As his heart sank in his chest it beat like a time bomb. It was obvious what the message meant.  There was no mistaking it.  His relationship with Heather was over, but why?  With his mind on autopilot, he closed out of the message and opened it again.

I'm sorry, but i can't do this anymore

It was still the same.  Why?  He stared at the message for a few more minutes hoping the letters would rearrange themselves and be a happier message.  But the letters didn't budge.  He closed the message out again. Dialed her number by heart and listened to the ringing through the receiver.  One.  Two.  Then he was listening to her voicemail.  Dismissing the call, he placed his phone on the table in front of him covering the picture he was drawing.  He looked up from his phone and watched fountain in the middle of the plaza.  The water spewing upwards from the ground suddenly stopped and splashed back down.  The thud that came with the splashing water made Ryan jump.  With that, he noticed that tears had begun to build up in his eyes and push their way forward.

He picked his phone off of his tablet and saw the picture he was drawing.  It was Heather.  He was drawing her.  Thinking about her as always. Why the sudden change?  Did he do something wrong?  A tear fell onto the tablet.  He quickly wiped his eyes and looked back at the phone in his hand.

I'm sorry, but i can't do this anymore

He hit the reply button.  His heart, now in his stomach, ached.  How does one convey all the pain into a response? Should he even respond?  He had to know why. He canceled the message that he hadn't started and put his phone down again, closing his eyes.

***

"You can't put that there!" Heather laughed as Ryan was putting his glass down on the coffee table.  "You need to put a coaster under it!"

He looked at her and laughed.  "There aren't any more coasters."  He looked around the room.

"Guess you'll have to just hold on to your glass, then." She grinned at him.  The sparkle in her eyes made his heart flutter with happiness as they joked around with each other.

"Guess so." He sat back against the couch with her at his side.  He slowly moved his hand with the glass in it towards her leg.  "This looks like a good place to rest it." The glass now resting in his hand, but on top of her knee. He leaned his shoulder against hers and moved his head closer to hers.  She was still grinning and her eyes slowly began to close.  His lips pressed against hers.  The feeling of peace and calm fell over him, except his heart.  It skipped a beat.  This was what love feels like.  There was no reason to worry about anything else at the moment.  He was with the girl he loved, lips touching, passion happening, nothing could ruin this moment.

He felt the glass slip, water spilling down her legs. She gasped as the water soaked through her pants immediately.  Though it wasn't the waters fault she was wearing those soft fuzzy pajama bottoms at the time.  She jumped up trying to pull away from Ryan but he had her pinned to the couch.  He smiled at her and she glared at him.  "Too bad there weren't any coasters left.  We might not have been in this predicament."  He kissed her again before leaning away from her so she could get up.

She laughed at him again as she stood up and pulled her pants down to free herself from the wetness.  She shook her head, he figured she didn't know what to say to him.  "Yeah right! You wanted me out of my pants!"

He couldn't help the grin that crept across his face. "Nah, that wasn't my plan at all," he said slyly as he stood up from the couch and making his way towards her.  "But, now that you are..."  His smile was mirrored on her face as she did a little dance before he embraced her.  Both laughing as they fell against the wall with a thud.  He had her pinned against the wall, her hands held within his own.  Their lips pressed together in a never-ending kiss.

Their hands unraveled from each other and found their way across one another's back.  Their lips parted so Heather could say, "It's only fair that you take.."  His lips pressed against hers again and the rest of her words were lost in a kiss.  The passion that these two held for each other had never been greater.  As they pulled each other closer, Ryan opened his eyes.  He watched as Heather's eye remained close. He felt the warmth in his chest and knew that they were in love. His heart was beating quickly in his chest.  He closed his eyes again and continued the kiss for a few more moments.

Without a word between them, their kissing stopped.  He stepped back and made to grab her hand.  She glanced down and grabbed his hand and she looked back up, their eyes meeting.  A smile spread across her face as she led the way towards her bedroom.  He knew her roommate wasn't home, this was a prime opportunity to show her how much he loved her. He closed the door behind him as she laid down on the bed.

***

He opened his eyes.  His heart felt crushed after the memory faded away.  He felt hollow inside.  Sliding his finger across his phone to unlock.

I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore

He locked his phone and leaned forward once again, placing the phone back into his pocket.  It wasn't going to get better by staring at his phone.

He looked down at the table in front of him.  Another reminder.  The picture he was drawing seemed to be staring back at him.  Can't do this anymore? He was still looking at the picture in front of him, but his eyes were no longer seeing anything in front of him.  He was seeing with his heart now.  The world-ending news he just received made everything freeze around him. There was no more time or space.  Nothing existed anymore.  Without Heather in his life, life just had no meaning.  Why?  Why now?  They spent the last year of their lives together, spending more time together than they did apart.

The world came back into focus.  He closed the cover to the tablet in front of him.  There was a shout at the fountain in front of him and he quickly looked up.  There was a little girl standing beside one of the tall geysers.  She was soaked.  Holding her head down, hands up to her face, she was crying.  He wanted nothing more than to do the same.  There was just one problem.  He had to get to class.

The Years Go By

She stood in front of the mirror.  Her hair, though short, was put up nicely with crystal covered barrettes.  They gleamed in her hair like the tears in her eyes. Her makeup was done, but soon it would be smeared by the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She didn't care though about the makeup. She never really used it before, unless there was a special occasion. It did look good though, she smiled at herself in the mirror, she looked amazing.  She grabbed a tissue and dabbed her eyes to rid herself from some of the tears.  As she dabbed she continued looking at herself in the mirror. She hadn't realized how many tears built up in her eyes. With the tears gone and her vision almost normal the brightness of  the dress she wore was almost blinding with the sun reflecting off of it. Staring at the dress now she remembered the first time that this dress was worn.

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The organ played far off in the church, upstairs and away from the Bride's room.  She watched as the dress was slipped on.  The feeling of happiness and pride in her heart was a great feeling.  It almost felt like her skin was tingling with excitement.  She didn't think it was possible, but her mom was finally getting remarried. The form fitting dress hugged her mom tight and she looked stunning. The crystals in her hair, shined bright just like the dress.

"Mommy!" a little boy yelled as he ran into the room.  He'd been wondering around the hallways of the church and his voice held a slight hint of fear.

At the same time as her mom she turned around and said, "What's wrong?"  She looked over at her mom and they both smiled at each other.  Her son ran up and jumped in her arms.

"What's a'matter you?"  She said holding onto him.

"You look pretty!"

"Thanks sweetie," she laughed, "What were you getting yourself into?

"Noothingg..." he shied and pushed away off her chest. She set him back down on the ground.  He walked over to his grandmother and hugged at her leg.  "Can I have a cookie?"  She smiled down at him and then looked at his mother and then back to him.

"Of course you can." She stepped down off of the box she was on and over to the table of food.  She grabbed a peanut butter cookie and crouched down to be at the same level of her grandson.

The door to the hallway opened.  It was another one of her daughters.  "We have to get you upstairs, it's almost time."  She handed the cookie to her grandson and stood up again.  Moving back to the box to look in the mirror.

"You look great mom."

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Now she stood in the mirror wearing the same dress that her mom wore all those years ago.  It seemed like forever, but in reality it wasn't all that long ago.  Seconds felt like minutes now as she stared back at herself through the mirror.  She loved this dress.  It hugged her tight as if her mom was there hugging her instead. On the bed beside her among her hoodie and jeans laid her faithful companions.  They looked at her adoringly, their tails wagging with glee.

She said the words to the dogs laying on the bed before she could stop herself.  She knew they wouldn't understand her, yet she knew they would. "Isn't mommy pretty?"  They barked in agreement or maybe just because of the attention she showed them.

"I know I'm hungry, too" She responded to their barks.

She turned and walked to the kitchen still wearing the dress.  Her mind wondered again as she walked down the hall, an almost familiar feeling.

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"You look great mom."

She smiled at the reflection of her son in the mirror.  Not so much the little boy anymore.  He'd grown up to be such a nice young man. She turned around to look at him in his tuxedo.  "So do you." The moment had finally come, her wedding day.  She was sad that her dad wouldn't be there to give her away, but was grateful to have her son there to be the one to do the honors. Her smile widened.  It was contagious as his smile grew bigger as well.

Everyone else in the room was rushing around. Getting things together for her big day.  Her son kissed her on the cheek and told her it was time to get ready. He left her there and went up to the church entrance where she would meet him before walking down the isle together.  She finished getting ready and her bridal party made their way to the church entrance as well.

As she slid her arm into her sons they began walking across the back isle and turned into the main isle.  She looked out over the people sitting in the pews as they rose and turned towards her.  Faces all blended together as she made her way to the front of the church. The first face that came into focus was her mom's.  They shared a smile that seemed to last a lifetime.  Her mom mouthed the words "I love you" just before she turned to face her soon to be husband.

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Sitting at the table eating the sandwich that she made, crumbs collected on the dress.  Her thoughts swirling around in her mind.  The weddings were beautiful, she enjoyed them both.  But the next thought that came to mind was one of a few years ago.  Three to be exact.  This dressed belonged to a great woman. A strong independent woman whom she loved very much.  They spent many years together before they both found others to grow old with.  The distance grew between them, but they were only a phone call away.  Talking daily about nothing and everything had become a way of life for them.  But now, she was gone. Her mom passed away those three years ago and today was the anniversary of her death.  This day was harder than other days.  Harder because she didn't just lose a mother that day, but her best friend as well.

 The dogs started to bark and she told them to hush. She stood up and wiped the crumbs away throwing the paper plate in the garbage and walking back into bedroom.  The woman staring back at her in the mirror still looked amazing. Everyone always mentioned how much she looked like her mom.  She took great pride in this. She heard the door open and the dogs barking.  She looked behind her in the mirror and saw her son.  He smiled at her with a confused look on his face, but didn't say anything to her about the dress. He walked up to her as she turned around and they hugged tightly.  She couldn't help but feel her mom there as well hugging them both.

"I miss her too." Her son said as he squeezed her harder.

The love in her heart grew.  "I know baby."

The Errant Testicle

            Have you ever been walking down the street and seen something that you didn’t want to see?  How about stumbling across a picture on the internet of your girlfriend or boyfriend that you’ve been dating for several years?  Well something like this happened to me the other day. No not the picture thing, but the walking down the street thing. 

            I was walking down main street when I saw her walking in the same direction as I was.  She looked fine from behind.  Her hair was down to the middle of her back.  The brightest blond possible before you have to call it white.  She turned at the corner of 5^th and Main and I could see her profile.  Her figure was just perfect.  She was my dream girl.  When I got to the corner I knew that I had to continue following her.  I saw her down the street and I noticed her right away as she walked with confidence.  I picked up my pace and caught up with her. 

            “Excuse me!?” I spoke up.  She continued to walk without any hesitation.  I put my head down and stopped and then looked back up.  I now noticed that everyone that passed her was looking back at her.  The looks weren’t what I was expecting.  Everyone that passed her seemed weireded out.  I was now more curious to meet this woman of my dreams.  I kept walking the pace I was walking before.  She turned the corner again and was now on Orchard Street.  I turned the corner and followed her some more.  I ran to catch up with her again, this time getting close enough to tap her shoulder.  “Excuse me? Miss?”  I made it a question, hoping she would turn around and notice me this time.  She did turn around, but she wasn’t the one who was noticing something.  I saw it on her chin and got weirded out immediately. 

            “Yes? Can I help you?” she asked looking at my face.

            “Uh... um...  I was just wondering…” I paused and couldn’t continue.

            “What? I’ve got somewhere to be!” She half-scolded me.

            “I’m sorry… I thought you were someone else.”  I let her walk away as I stood in the middle of the sidewalk and questioned what I just saw.  Was that a testicle on her chin?  How did it get there?  Why was it so hairy?  Why?  Why wouldn’t she do something about it?  I gave up asking myself questions and I walked in the opposite direction back to my apartment to find something to keep my mind busy so I didn’t think of that testicle-chinned-woman.

Dreams Do Tell

            “I had another one of those dreams again,” I said to my sister when she came out to the kitchen in the morning.  She just looked at me as she walked past me to get a cup out of the cabinet.  She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table across from me.  She grabbed the little can of sugar and lifted the spoon out of the can with a heaping pile on it.  She pushed the spoon back into the can and lifted it up with another heaping pile.  I just looked at her and smiled because I knew she’s going to do that at least three more times before she finally would take a drink.  After her fifth spoonful of sugar, she finally sipped her coffee.

            “Which one?” she asked as she put her cup back down on the table.  “Can you hand me a donut? Please?” I tipped my chair back and reached for a donut.  I grabbed the one with sprinkles because I wanted the chocolate one for myself.  “Thanks. So was it the same dream as you had the other day or was it different?”

            “Well, this time I was being chased through the woods.”

            “You’re always running in your dreams, Seth” Amy said jokingly.

            “Yeah I know, but this one just felt so real.” I took a sip of my coffee then continued, “I could feel the sweat as it ran down my face, back, and legs. I knew that if I didn’t get away that I was going to die.  It just felt so real. I was dodging in and out of the trees as my lungs burned for air.  It felt like I was running forever.  The thing chasing me just kept getting closer.  I could hear the crunching of the sticks and leaves behind me.” I stopped for a moment. I leaned back on my chair again and grabbed the last donut.

            “Hey! You didn’t tell me that there was a chocolate one over there!” Amy exclaimed.

            “Sorry Ame, you didn’t ask.” I laughed as I took a bite out of the donut. “So anyway, I was running, and I could feel this thing, whatever it was, getting closer and I knew that I wasn’t going to make it out of these woods. I wasn’t going to let it win though, not without some kind of fight.” I sipped my coffee again.  It was still a little too hot for my likes. “Then as I was running my left arm got torn open by a branch. I remember yelling ‘Damn it!’ in my dream, but I kept going. I wasn’t about to let a little cut stop me.  I soon noticed that the cut was bigger than I thought when I felt my shirt soaking up all of the blood.  I looked down at my arm and then back in front of me. I don’t know how I didn’t notice it, but there was a tree right there.  I somehow managed to dodge to the left, but not in enough time…that’s when I cut open my right arm.”

            “Christ, Seth! Could your dream be any worse?” Amy interrupted.

            “Oh, it gets better… or worse…ok, so I just cut open my right arm. After bumping into the tree I stumbled and almost fell to the ground -- luckily I caught my footing and kept on running, but then the thing chasing me grew silent.” I took another sip of my coffee and a bite out of my donut, “I could still feel its presence, but it was being very quiet as it ran behind me. Finally, I saw this clearing only a couple yards away and I have hope of making it out of there.  This thing chasing me didn’t like the light and tends to only stick to shadows.  I made it to the threshold of the trees and jumped through, only to force myself to the ground!  There was a drop off only inches away from where I landed.  As I looked around me I saw that the clearing that I was in was only about as big as our tiny bathroom.  I turned back towards the woods and I saw the creature coming right for me.  It didn’t look like it was about to stop!  It leaped out of the woods, and all I could see was its scary yellow eyes and dark green scaly skin as it tackled me over the edge.  We both just fell.  I was so scared at that point, but I knew it was pointless to even worry about calling for help or screaming.” I took a drink of my coffee, this time it was just right.

            “So then what happened?” Amy asked like a second grader waiting to hear the end of her favorite bedtime story.

            “We lived happily ever after. The end.” I joked.

            “Shut up, and tell me what happened, or I’m going to throw this donut at you!”

            I waved my hands to ward off any donut pieces that might come my way, “Ok, ok. So we are both falling, and the creature is below me.  As I’m turning in the air, I see that the creature spreads out some wings from its back and pushes itself towards the ground faster and faster.  Just as I think it’s going to hit the ground, it turns its head towards the sky followed by the rest of the body, and it just soared toward the horizon.  It was so amazing!  I forgot that I was even falling anymore; I was in such shock!  Then, I woke up.”

            “Wow. That is one crazy dream you had there, Seth”

            “You’re telling me.” I stood up and downed the rest of my coffee. “I just wish I knew what it all meant and why I keep having these weird dreams.”  With that, I left the room. Amy said something, but I just ignored it.  Amy is great but sometimes she’s just too much.

***

            Looking in the mirror at my face I could see the bags under my eyes.  The lack of sleep is really getting to me.  My hair slides in front of my eyes, everyone is always telling me that I need to cut my hair, but I’m just not ready to get rid of it yet.  I start to walk over to the tub when I caught something in the mirror.  My shirt, there’s red on my shirt.  I paused for a moment and lifted the sleeve of my shirt up.  There is a very tiny cut on my arm. “Hmm, that’s odd.  Wonder when I did that?”  I took my t-shirt off and got as close the mirror as I could so I could check my arm out without straining my neck.  I pushed and pulled the skin around the cut to see if any more blood would seep out, but nothing did.  I don’t know what coerced me to check my other arm, but when I did there was a very thin line of blood sliding down my arm.

            I turned on the hot water and then the cold and just let the water run for awhile.  I sat on the edge of the tub, thinking, and thinking about my dream, what it could mean, and why both of my arms were cut open and bleeding.  Steam started to rise up around me, and I pulled the lever to make the shower turn on.  I stripped out of my shorts and stepped into the shower, facing the opposite wall of the shower head, just letting the water bounce off of my skin.  The massaging water felt so good on my back.

            “Seth!” Amy was outside knocking on the door. There were a few more words after my name but I couldn’t make them out.

            “You know I can’t hear you when I’m in here! What do you want!?” I yelled so she could hear me over the water.

            “Are you going to be in there long? Cause I need to get a shower and stuff before I leave for work.”  This time she shouted as loud as she could. 

            “I’ll be done in five minutes!”  I looked down and saw that the tub was clogging up with water.  I reached down and grabbed the glob of hair that was preventing the water from draining down the pipe.  “Why doesn’t SHE ever do this?” I stuck the hair on the side of the shower so I could throw it away when I got out. “Sometimes I just don’t like her”

            So much for a nice long hot shower, I quickly finished and got dressed.  The cuts on my arms fell out of my short term memory, but I was still playing back my dream in my head. 

            “It’s all yours, Ame.” I called to her as I opened the door and threw away the wad of her hair in the trash can. 

            “Thanks, Seth.” she said as she pushed past me into the bathroom.  This is the time that I hated living in an apartment with my sister.  I went out to my room, which any person living by themselves would call a living room, and turned on the TV.  When she asked if she could stay with me, while she got back on her feet, I didn’t expect to be persuaded from my room.  I made my bed back into the couch and folded my sheets, putting them in the chest that we have as our coffee table and sat down on the couch.  I flipped through the channels aimlessly, not even paying attention.  All I could think about were the yellow eyes jumping at me.  I shivered and shook my head as the water shut off in the bathroom and the door opened.  Amy scooted down the hallway with her towel wrapped around her head, and her robe clung to her body.  She walked into her room and then I heard the door shut.

            “…weird dreams just call 1-800-693-7326.  Again, if you are being plagued by weird dreams just call 1-800-MY DREAM, 693-7326.” I heard the commercial on the TV and quickly grabbed the pencil sitting on the stand next to the couch and then the paper pad on the other stand on the other side of the couch and quickly wrote down the number. 

            “What are the odds of that?” Usually I hate it when commercials use letters to describe their numbers, but this time it was a big help.

            An hour has passed, and Amy was just now coming out of her room from her shower.  I flipped off the TV as she came down the hall. 

            “Whuddya think?” her usually straight blonde hair was now in curls, and she had a bunch of make up on.  The bright red skirt was conforming to her long skinny body.  She would have been kicked out of school for wearing that dress, but growing up in a Catholic School the color enough would have gotten her kicked out.  

            “I thought you were going to work?”

            “Can’t a girl get dressed up without someone questioning her motives or where she is going?”  She smoothed her skirt down and walked over to the door.  She slipped into her high heels.

            “Come on… we both know that you are not going to work dressed like that.  You got fired again didn’t you? Where are you going? Really?”

            “To work with Todd”

            “That guy you’ve been…” I stopped and shook my head trying to get the visual out of my head. “Oh I get it.”

            “You know how I am, Seth.  I can’t be cooped up in this apartment all night like some nerdy twenty four year old banker.”  She glanced up at the clock.

            “This nerdy twenty four year old banker is the one that is paying for you to live here.  You’re lucky mom is living in California because you’d be staying with her if she was here.” I scowled at her. “You have to look for jobs this week.  I can’t keep paying for everything around here.”

            “Good night, Seth.  Don’t wait up.”  She opened the door and turned around and winked at me then walked out closing the door behind her. 

            I waited a couple minutes after Amy left before I even thought about picking up the phone.  I didn’t want her to know that I was going to call this dream thing.  It would be too embarrassing to be caught talking with some stupid TV ad about my dreams.  I sat there on the couch staring at the phone, playing the number through my head.  Finally, I dialed the number that I saw on the TV.  The phone didn’t even ring before an automated voice answered the call.  “Hello and thank you for calling Dreams-R-Us.  If you would like this message in Spanish, please push the number one.  If you would like to continue in English please, stay on the line.” The voice paused for a second and then the phone clicked in my ear. “We are here to help.  If you are calling about a dream that involves being naked in public, please press one.  If you are calling about a dream that involves being lost, please press two.  If you are calling about a dream that involves being chased, please press three.  If you are calling about a dream that involves falling, please press four.  If you are calling about a dream about having sex with a friend, please press five.  If you have had a dream involving more than one of these or any other dream, please stay on the line.”  The voice stopped and then elevator-like music started to play in the background through the phone.  I sighed but continued to listen to it, hoping that someone would soon pick up on the other side. 

            “This is ridiculous!” I said to myself as I waited, sitting on the couch with the phone to my ear.  “Why am I even doing this?” The question has been running through my head since I picked up the phone and dialed it, but now I asked myself out loud.

            “Dreams-R-Us…” a man picked up just as I pulled the phone away from my ear and pressed the power button.. 

            “What was I thinking?” I asked as I spread myself across the couch, and pulled out some files from my backpack that I brought home to work on this weekend.  “Maybe working on this stuff will get my mind off of these stupid dreams.” I worked for about ten minutes before the silence got to me.  What was I doing home on the weekend? I think I’m an attractive man.  I got a good build.  I’m smart.  Maybe that was it, I’m smart.  My mind just raced with a bunch of thoughts, before I grabbed the TV remote and turned the television on to drown out the thoughts.  “Oh goody… Roseanne is on.” I turned the volume up, threw the files on the floor, and laid there with my hands behind my head.  A couple minutes later I felt my eyes getting heavy and my head rolling.

***

            I was running, only this time it wasn’t for my life, it was for someone else’s.  It was like I was on a mission for the CIA or the FBI.  I knew what I had to do and I was on my way to do it.  I had to save my sister.  I had to save Amy.  She was going to die if I didn’t reach her in time.  Someone had taken her hostage and was about to kill her if she didn’t give them the information that they wanted.  I was only a few blocks away.  I didn’t know what I was going to do when I finally got there, but I knew that it wouldn’t matter.  My instincts would kick in when the time was right and everything would go just fine.  I get to the door and bust through it.  “Amy!!” I called as loud as I could.  “Amy, where are you?”

            “Welcome Seth. Nice of you to come,” a voice came from the shadows.  A light turned on and enveloped Amy who was sitting in a chair bound with rope and gagged with duct tape.  The figure that had spoken to me was standing just out of range of the light.

            “What do you want with her!?”  I asked as calmly as I could manage. That’s when the figure lifted a gun from the shadows and pointed it point blank at Amy’s head.  The man started to chuckle and then burst out in a full evil laughter.  He pulled the trigger and I could see Amy’s head open on the opposite side of the gun, brains flying everywhere.  I dropped to knees crying. “Why?! Why would you do this?”

***

            I jumped off of the couch and fell to the ground weeping.  “It was just a dream,” I said trying to catch my breath.  If I didn’t breathe right, I was going to hyperventilate.  I pushed myself to the couch and sat with my back resting against it.  Tears rolled down my face.  “Why do I keep having such weird dreams?  What do they mean” I wept to no one but myself.  I hugged my knees closer to my chest.

            The phone rang, and I jumped at the sound.  I slowly crawled to the end table and grabbed the phone. “H-,” I cleared my voice, “hello?”

            “Seth Brackard?” the voice asked over the phone.

            “Yes this is him?” I said with a quavering voice. “Who’s this?

            “I’m Officer Erik Summers; I work with the NYPD.  I have some bad news.”  The officer said without any hint of emotion. “I will need you to come down to the station. I have a few questions for you and also need you to ID a body.” 

            My heart jumped into my throat and my eyes filled back up with tears “What is it? What happened?” I tried to demand. 

            “I’ll need you to come down to the station before I can answer any questions” Summers replied.

            “Fine! I’ll be there in ten minutes” I said trying to sound as tough as I could.  My body was shaking.  

            I drove down to the station and met with Officer Summers.  He took me to the morgue in his car.  We walked down the long hallway with white and black checker board floor and the high white ceilings.  The walls were white and the windows had bars on them.  Kind of a bright place, for all the darkness that must take place in this building.  We walked through the steel doors at the end of the hallway and stopped in the middle of the room, in front of a table.  The table had a covered body on it.  “Why have you brought me down here, Officer?” He just looked at me.  His stare was blank, nothing in his eyes told me what I was about to see.  Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.  Summers pulled back the sheet from the head of the body.  I barely recognized the face I was now staring at.  The only thing that I could really make out was the curly blonde hair.  That damned blonde hair that was clogging the drain this morning, now laid strewn about on this cold metal table sopping the now cold red blood from her face. There was a big hole through her head.  Anyone else would have complained about the smell, but I hadn’t noticed it.  My nose was stuffed and tears welled up in my eyes and fell down my cheeks.

            “Is this your sister, Amy Brackard?” The officer asked coldly as tears streamed down my face.

***

            I don’t remember anything that happened after Summers asked me if that was Amy.  I’m not even sure what happened to me then.  A lot has changed since Amy’s death, but not everything.  I am still living in the same apartment, still sleeping in the same spot.  I didn’t have the heart to touch anything in her room.  Every morning I get the donuts and come back to my lonely apartment and sit at the kitchen table.  I only eat the donuts with sprinkles on them and leave the chocolate ones there.  My dreams have stopped since that night.  I still don’t know what they meant, except the last one.  Most people say that you always dream, you just don’t always remember them, I don’t believe them; I just simply don’t dream anymore.

Ticket to Heaven

Little Joey woke up today and he had a smile on his face.  He'd been waiting for this day for a year.  He hadn't seen his grandmother since exactly one year ago.  He spent the entire year waiting for this day.  He marked it on the calendar and worked hard to save money so that he'd be able to make the trip to see his grandma.  

He remembered the last day that he saw her.  She slept peacefully in the box in the front of the room.  He remembered she looked so beautiful, so calm.  He asked his mom why Grandma was sleeping inside the box.  

"Grandma is just taking a little nap. She'll be awake sometime soon."  She explained to him.

He smiled and went out of the room looking at all the crying faces around him.  Some hiding their faces in tissues and others carrying on conversations with those standing nearby.  A lady, she was in a red dress, stopped him and picked him up.  It was his aunt.  He remembered his mom telling him who she was.  He hadn't seen her in a long time and had to be reminded.  

"You ok, Joey?" his aunt asked him.

"Yes." He smiled.  He saw the streaks from her eyes.  "Are you?" he questioned her in return.

She sniffled and nodded.  She gave him a big hug and replaced him back on the ground.  He looked up at his aunt.  "Mom says that gram is just taking a little nap.  Do you think she'll be awake soon?  So I can play with her again?"  

She gave a half huff of a laugh and smiled.  "It might not be soon, hun.  But you will get to see her again and spend all the time that you want to with her.  She's taking a trip though."

"Where is she going?" He asked.

"Well..." she paused. " She's going to Heaven.  It's very far away."

"Oh...ok" he said when something caught his attention and he ran away from the lady in the red dress.

He thought on this idea that Grandma was just taking a trip and that she would return.  He wasn't sure where Heaven was, but he knew he wanted to surprise his grandma and visit her someday. 

------------------

 A few months later Little Joey sat outside on a nice day at a table and sold lemonade.  He saved his money in an old coffee can.  He remembered everytime that the change jingled inside how his grandma used to drink this brand of coffee.  He smiled.  

"What are you saving for, Joey?"  one of his customers asked him.  

"I'm saving to visit my grandma" he said with a smile. "She went on a trip, and I want to visit her." 

The lady put a few extra dollars into his coffee can.  "Thank you!" he expressed with a really big smile. 

----------------

He had a few more lemonade stands throughout the rest of the year and saved all of the money he was given for his birthday and holidays.  The coffee can was just about filled to the top.  He carried that can with pride down to the kitchen, where his mom was preparing his breakfast before he had to go to school.  

She laughed when he placed the can on the table. "Honey.. what is that for?"  

"Today's the day Mom."  His excitement couldn't be contained.  "I want to go see Gram... Can you take this and buy me a Ticket to Heaven?"

His mom stopped what she was doing. Tears built up behind her eyes and pushed forward.  "You don't need all of that to see grandma, sweetie.  Grandma is in your heart.  She's with you everyday, you just can't see her.  She is there, though.  Every decision you make and every moment that you smile it's because she's right there with you."

He looked at her confused. "But I want to see her."

"I know you do, baby.  But where Grandma is.. we can't see her there.  Where she went, she became a superhero.  She's invisible now.  That's the power she was given so she can watch over you wherever you go."

"So I don't need a ticket to Heaven?"

She tapped him in the heart as she said.  "No, Grandma is with you right here." 

He smiled at his mom as her tears still streamed down her face and he hugged her tight.  "Now, go get ready for school."  He nodded and started to walk out of the room. 

As he walked through the doorway he looked around only seeing the walls around him.  He looked back at his mom and then turned back around.  "I love you, Gram" he said to the empty room.  Just as he finished saying it, he felt a breeze ruffle his hair a bit.  "I'll see you again, someday"

Empty and Alone

The pale moon lingered in the almost morning sky.  

She waited on the corner, her dark crimson trench coat doing its job keeping the rain off of the new black dress she wore beneath. Her hands held tight onto either side of the collar, holding them up against her face.

 A brisk wind turned the rain sideways so it attacked her from above and on the left. She moved back away from the yellow curb into a dank doorway. The shadows dressed her crimson coat into a darker shade, but the street light above kept her matching shoes and the tip of her coat their normal color. She wished she would have at least brought along her hat. Her blonde hair soaked lying against her shoulders. She thought back on what her hair looked like before she left the apartment.

The bells rang. Pigeons flew away from the bell tower across the street. The largest of the old hands was facing up while the smallest hand pointed towards "4". She shook her head. He was late. He was always late. Later this time. Later than ever before.

The bells rang four long times and then it stopped. The quiet sounds of the rain hitting the pavement was all that was left. Then a low hum of an engine.

She didn't look as the lights glanced past her.

He wouldn't have been so dumb to leave the lights on. Not these days. Not with "Them" watching.

She looked again at the clock.

 Five.

It didn't feel like an hour had passed. It was getting colder. She could feel the cold air freezing her face and ears. She pressed the sides of her collar even tighter against her face. She couldn't get enough of her face into the collar. Moments later the soft sound of the rain was gone and the street fell silent.

White flakes of snow started to fall from the darkened sky.

Another hum coming from down the street.  No sign of anything coming her way.  The hum grew closer.

It was him.  It had to be.

The silver car rolled up in front of her. 

Finally she smiled and moved quickly to the car.  She bent over to look in the window as she pulled open the door. 

It’s not him.

She shrieked as she was taken from behind.  A hood placed over her head.  Her hands bound behind her back. 

Where did they come from?

The smell inside of the car.  It was smoke.  Cigar smoke. 

It was “Them”.

She felt her coat buttons pop from their place as they ripped her coat apart.  Her black dress hid her in the darkness of the car until they passed under streetlights.  The world was dark to her nonetheless.  She kept her eyes closed as she lay there with the hood over her face.  She tried to squirm. 

Hands held her down.  Strong hands.

Why did she wait so long?  They had a plan.  If he wasn’t there by 3, she was to go home.

Too late for that now.  The stench in the car was worse than just cigar smoke.  Even under the hood she could smell it.  She gagged on the smell alone.

What they going to do with her.  She heard noises.  Bodies rustling around in the car around her.  Her dress was pushed up her legs.  She tried to kick.  No.  Where was he?  Why didn’t he show up?

She felt the penetration.  She cried out.

No.

The weight on top of her as she cried out felt heavier than what she imagined a car might feel like on top of her.  Each time his body collided against hers a tear rolled down her face.

Why didn’t he show up?

The man on top of her was done.  He pulled away and she felt empty.

She felt the car stop.  The door was opened.  She was pulled by her legs.  She fell to the ground hard. 

The door closed and the hum of the car faded in the morning. 

She worked her hands free and removed the hood. 

The clock rang its long chimes; one, two, three, four, five, six, seven times.

Her heart sank.

She was empty.

And alone.